Sunday, June 03, 2012

ENGLAND 1 - BELGIUM 0 - PRESS REACTION TO THE GAME

The press appear ambivalent about Roy Hodgson's England side after their 1-0 victory against Wembley yesterday.
Expectation is low, but none the less Roy can boast an unbeaten record going into the Euros with two solid, if uninspired, victories.
The Sun is perhaps the most unsure about Roy - but can't stop itself being optimistic. Their report opens that no one will be scared playing England after these performances, but that you couldn't fault the work rate or defensive solidity off the ball that will surely give them a chance.
The Guardian is upbeat, claiming the victories have been solid and that the squad should feel positive going into the Euros after another victory.
Perhaps most telling is Uncle Roy's summary, who admits we worked hard defensively but were uninspired offensively. It's good when your manager sees what you see. Roy and England have enough to get out of the group stage, yes?

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Saturday, June 02, 2012

ENGLAND V BELGIUM - LIVE WITH EURO CUP RANTER

LIVE ACTION FROM THE ENGLAND V BELGIUM GAME AT WEMBLEY. PLEASE REFRESH THIS PAGE FOR THE LATEST NEWS.

19.07 94 minutes of hard working average football. That should get us to the final 8, can't see much further than that. I like the attitude. Hard to beat maybe?

19.06 A break by Lukaku is judged offside with the final seconds ticking down. Belgium could consider luck wasn't on their side, but they weren't great.

19.03 An England break ends with Defoe and Walcott combining with a Defoe shot, off target. Theo has looked ok, but England look unthreatening.

18.57 Still England 1-0 up with six minutes to play. England get a corner from nothing.

18.55 Henderson comes on for Gerrard. Let's hope we don't hear that too often this summer, unless it's because we are 5-0 up.

18.54 On 81 minutes, quick feet by Walcott create a chance for Defoe. A sharp shot comes back off the inside of the post, and Belgium clear. Unlucky.

18.53 Lescott is back on with a headband and clean shirt. The game is opening up in the last ten minutes. Two shots from Belgium are either blocked or wide.

18.52 With 13 minutes to go, Gilet puts one wide of Joe Hart from 20 yards, and it clips the outside of the post and goes wide. An escape for England. Hart looks ruffled at present.

18.49 The bloke who looks a bit like Adebayor, Lukaku, has a chance but his shot is blocked. Lescott looks like he has been in a car accident after a collision. There is blood everywhere. It's like the 9th minute of an episode of casualty. I hope he's ok.

18.47 Defoe breaks, cuts it back, but cannot find Gerrard's run. England looking a bit brighter, but control on the ball and passing are still little better than average.

18.46 Hazard has looked average today. Somewhere between Nasri and Paul Dixon.

18.43 It's been comfortable for England but because they've worked hard and not given Belgium any time on the ball. However, there is a distinct lack of composure on the ball and the calm of Lampard or Barry is missing from the mix. Mertens is replaced by someone who looks a bit like Adebayor but isn't.

 18.42 John Terry apparently carrying a knock and is brought off on 70 minutes. Jagielka replaces him.

18.39. With 25 minutes to go, Young is brought off for Defoe, while Walcott replaces Oxade Chamberlain after a bright but ultimately unimpressive debut.

18.37 Nothing much happened for half an hour. Rooney is on for Welbeck. Dull.

18.02 Everyone wants the half time whistle, including me. AND HERE IT IS. AT HALF TIME ENGLAND 1 BELIGIUM 0. We have no experts in the studio, no video, no replays. SEE YOU IN 20 MINUTES AFTER A WEE AND STUFF.

17.58 Wellbeck breaks well from half way, but hogs the ball and is finally tackled in the box. But I think he's having a good game. Cole and Fellaini clash, with the ref and assistant ref discussing punishment. The Wembley band plays H-A-P-P-Y and all is well here right now. England break again, Gerrard has two shots blocked, Vermaelen doing well.

17.55 Five minutes to half time and I fancy a snack. 1-0 England.

17.51 GOAL!!! Danny Welbeck breaks and latches on to a great pass slotted through the defence by Ashley Young. Calmly lifts it over the keeper.

Great work, not a convincing game so far, but that should settle some nerves.

17.44 Scott Parker is booked for a lunging silly tackle. Then Ashley Cole fouls Eden Hazard. The free kick was rubbish, England break, but it falls apart with a foul on the half way line. A free kick for a foul on Ashley Young.

17.42 Who knew Fellaini played for Belgium. Whatever next? A bit like when Graham Le Saux played for England. Normandy chancer.

17.41 We cut to a view of David Beckham, sitting near Peter Shilton. Compared to Peter, David's head is tiny, like it has been shrunken by Posh in an evil witch ceremony. It is however normal size.

17.38 The Belgian bloke had a really good shot, just wide.

17.32 Cahill and Hart collide protecting the ball from a Belgian attacker. Cahill winded and wounded, Joe Hart looks on like a worried big brother. Cahil looking a bit embarassed. Julian Lescott stripping off. It's all getting a bit fruity. Lescott replaces Cahill.

17.29 Wellbeck makes a good run and loses Vermaelen, he pulls it back for the Ox from about 25 yards and while the shot is sweetly struck is goes like a rocket high above the bar. It would have been a great conversion.

17.27 Belgium look like they could break down the England defence is they just improve their short passing a little. England getting impatient, and Ashley Young drifts offside.

17.22 The ball is pulled back from the right wing and Oxlade Chamberlain scuffs it like a David Beckham penalty kick and the ball sort of flops over the bar like a bad tennis shot.

17.20 Belgium's attack breaks down. Then England's game breaks down. Hazard looks lively.

17.17  Wembley is noisy, and in a positive mood. Wellbeck chases a clearance. Nothing happens.

17.12 Steven Gerrard has his 'I've poo'd my pants' face on again

17.10 The referee is called Rasmussen. No sign if he is related to the great Greenlandic explorer.

17.07 David Beckham is in the audience sporting a new trim. Bobby Charlton sitting next to him has the same hair as always.

17.05 There are some royal lookalikes in the crowd, including a Queen with a crown.

16.59 I've arrived at the sofa. Here are the sides  - for England a 4-3-3 formation, no Andy Carroll, and this looks like Roy's 'need a win' formation. We get to see Eden Hazard, Chelsea's new talent.

England: Hart, Johnson, Cahill, Terry, Cole, Milner, Parker, Gerrard, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Young, Welbeck. Subs: Green, Jones, Baines, Lescott, Jagielka, Henderson, Downing, Defoe, Rooney,
Carroll, Walcott, Butland.

Belgium: Mignolet, Guillaume Gillet, Kompany, Vermaelen, Vertonghen, Hazard, Fellaini, Witsel, Mertens, Mirallas, Dembele. Subs: Renard, Simons, De Camargo, Pocognoli, Chadli, Benteke, Vossen, Lukaku, Odoi, Nainggolan, De Ceulaer, Defour.

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ROY HODGSON GLEE AS EURO CUP RANTER ARRIVES FOR 2012

Roy Hodgson was a picture of joy today after hearing the news that Euro Cup Ranter would be covering the 2012 European Football Championships. "Up yours Ranter," Roy told us when we rang him up in the middle of the night and asked him if his hair hero was Patrick from EastEnders.
"The rumours that I use curlers to maintain my impeccable hair style are untrue," said Roy, audibly groggy, and trying to keep his voice down so as not to wake the wife. "It is true I visit a traditional Jamaican barber."
We rang late at night because of Roy's owl ancestry - everyone knows the animals operate best at night, but it appears Hodgson's human traits are also strong parts of his make-up. "Of course I was fucking asleep, it's 3-45am!" he exclaimed, and was very non-plussed by our questioning about his nocturnal habits. "We have got one or two mouse traps in the garage, but no, I do not go out on so-called 'night flights' hunting small mammals, and if you are going to call at this time I would rather talk about football," he added, just before we hung up.
Good luck Roy! Ranter thinks you'll need all of it, but at least with most of the ego squeezed out of this England side, you have a chance. But oh dear, John Terry. WHY UNCLE ROY, WHY? I knew there was another question we had to ask him...

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