England world cup squad looks a bit shit, now I come to think of it

Now don't get me wrong, on their day, this bunch of English hopefuls deserves to be compared with the best in the world. But let's take a look at the facts.

I am prepared to ignore the warm up games, they always remind me of boxing movies, but I think there are a few things we are ignoring in the mists of our hopes. Here's World Cup Ranter's paranoid English fan's guide to brush away those English rose tinted glasses.. forever...

Steven Gerrard. Yes, I think he's great. I wanted him to be captain more than Ferdinand. But he's looked a bit desperate recently, and I am worried he'll be overworked and underused just as in the bad old days.
Ferdinand. Without doubt a form worry if he had played, but without doubt an out of form Ferdinand is still better than a less than outstanding performance from his possible replacements. A big loss.
The Barry obsession. He is absolutely the right player for the job, but it feels like Pele has his leg up by the way the England manager has reacted. No one out of form, no one unfit, those were his rules. For a captain or a Rooney I can understand bending the rules. A Barry that hasn't played for months? Sorry, but he isn't good enough to hold up your team picks, planning, consistent formation and team spirit for.
Rooney. Looks brilliant. In the winter months.

Cole/Johnson - a pair of truly brilliantly skilled outstanding committed game-winning clowns.

Carrick/Carragher/Upson - bunch of arse.
King/Milner/SWP/Lennon/Heskey - Can't remember. Computer almost certainly says No.
Chelsea boys - depends if they've got their end away/would quite like to see Joe Cole is playing. Terry starting to look like competitive dad being beaten by his child.
In goal - There are bold pilots, and there are old pilots. But there are no, old, bold pilots. Anyone got a coin?

Theo looking "quite good" while Beckham, Lennon and the rest look injured

Beckham's injured achilles' tendon has made the line-up for the right hand side of the midfield a little bit of a more straightforward prospect. But with Lennon still injured, SWP erratic, Theo not quite there and

Where is South Africa anyway? Let's take a look a this nuclear proliferation map to find out...

Oh yes, there it is between the nuclear cake and the rabbit islands.

THEO WALCOTT NOT REALLY VERY GOOD AT THE MOMENT

As an Arsenal fan I hate to say it but Theo Walcott's odds of a World Cup appearance this year must be getting bigger by the match. Young Theo was suffering from dislocated shoulders every match before his big op, and then after picking up a knock he's had only a handful of games. But anyone who has seen those games, will tell you Theo was a non entity in all bar one.
We are only half way through the season, and there is still time to turn it around - but not much. The next dozen premiership games will bring us right up to crunch time for Capello's world cup squad choices, and if Theo's world is to set into motion he needs to make sure that he's played a key part in keeping Arsenal in and amongst the top three.
Only the Gunners woeful injury list is likely to give Theo that chance, as right now about three other players that head him for that position in the Arsenal side if they are all fit (Nasri, Rosicky, Arshavin and Bendtner would probably all be picked ahead of him right now).
Here he is with his girlfiriend Melanie, celabrating her three A Levels. The way things are going she's likely to have a longer career than he is. Come on Theo!

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Great to see that World Cup Ranter is riding high in the SEO search term charts, despite being dormant for almost four years. Oh yes, you may mock, but there are a few keywords which you'll really struggle to take me out of the top 10 google search term results of.
For instance, I am sure that my blog has been overloaded with seekers of the John Barnes' rap in New Order's World in Motion. Well, indeed I am right. For the search terms "barnes rap lyrics" or "john barnes song lyrics" you'll find it number one.
Coming number two for "World in Motion Rap" isn't bad either.

So I'm sure the new updates won't need publicising, eh?

THE ONLY ENGLAND FOOTY WORLD CUP SONG AND VIDEO WORTH WATCHING

Click here for dancing badgers

FA: ROONEY WILL FLY OUT ON JUNE 5

That should shut Fergie up then.

ALEX FERGUSON: THE SCAB THAT JUST WON'T HEAL

Listening to Man Utd manager Alex Ferguson is a bit like picking a scab off.
It always hurts, and sometimes you feel that the pain was worth it, because, underneath the skin has healed - and you feel quite pleased with the result.
Sometimes though all you do is open up the wound again, and wish you'd never bothered after revealing a load of blood and puss.
Fergie is a daunting opponent, and for that, he has the respect of W.C.R.
Right now, Ferguson's face goes from strawberry to plum at the very mention of Rooney.
Two days ago, news came out that he'd sacked the head physio at Manchester United. Talk is that it wasn't about the fact that the physio was on good terms with the FA, and giving them updates about the most famous foot in English soccer.(tmffies)
But it probably didn't help.
Then yesterday he was back at it. I can't give you the exact quote but it went along the lines of "there is no footballer in the world that can be ready to play after just two weeks back on his foot, not even him."
To qualify this, the foot guy who examined tmffies, said that it would be two weeks before he can resume full training, and four weeks before he could back in the contact sport that is football.
Rooney may still be named in the squad, but WCR is not convinced that it's a good idea for Sven to look like he's hopeful of his return. If he is really lucky, Rooney might make it if England qualify for the last 16.
Today Manchester United confirmed what the foot guy said, but that he will have a further scan on June 14 which could reveal tmffies has healed completely.
But WCR thinks the side has to start thinking Rooney won't be there, rather than he might.
Though Ferguson has admitted he puts Man Utd before England, maybe his realism is what the England squad needs.
Without Rooney we may not be good enough to win the World Cup, but if that's the case, are we doing damage to the psychology of the squad who may have the hope of Rooney returning in the back of their minds if we struggle through the qualifying group?
Because of the allure of playing in the world's greatest soccer tournament, and the pressure on the England unit to take Rooney along, it just may be that Ferguson's scepticism is actually worth a second look.
If it were a Champions League semi-final and final that Manchester United were waiting to find out if Rooney were fit for, I believe Ferguson would have still been as sceptical.
Because he knows it's better for the team to believe in themselves, rather than wait for someone to come and save them.
Rather than go head to head with Fergie, Sven and the England camp should play down Rooney's hopes of being fit - and pull him out as a wild card if the recovery really is possible.
But an unfit, and chubby Wayne Rooney that hasn't kicked a ball for six weeks isn't going to stand a chance in the World Cup.
No matter how good he is.

DID THE "B" STAND FOR BALLS UP? (That's what it looked like)

England's B team lost 2-1 in a friendly against Belarus tonight.
But it was a night of good and bad for the England side...

Good
Michael Owen ran around for an hour not doing much, but at least he didn't get injured. He did set up the goal with a header (just don't mention he was three yards off side when the ball was played).

Bad
Robert Green, the number 3 goalie in the squad, fluffed a goal kick and sustained a groin injury that means he's out of the World Cup.

Good
Aaron Lennon was man of the match, and looked good despite some tight marking. He set up Crouch for a goal (though it was disallowed for off-side) and hit the bar with a chip.

Bad
England gave the ball away all over the place and looked pretty shit.

Good
The 2-1 scoreline is deceiving - one of the goals came while Green was lying on the ground holding his bollocks.

Bad
Belarus only had ten men for the final 20 minutes and still scored the winner in that time.

Good
Sven's got a nice new sun tan.

Bad
Michael Carrick looked shit, as did most of the B team midfield.

Good
Scott Carson will replace Green in the World Cup Squad

Bad
Belarus are pretty shit. Their star player, Arsenal's Hleb, was on holiday, strangely, in Germany.

Good
Er, that's it. Actually it was fucking awful. Theo Walcott came on and looked "lively". Very fast, and definitely alive.

SVEN: "WE WILL WIN"

Amazing the boost of confidence you can get by knowing you are leaving your job after the tournament...

SEND FOR ONE OF THESE FREAKS

Now that's what I call a mascot.
News that Goleo, the official World Cup mascot - a German lion (hmm, I can see something wrong with that already) has already sent the toy company that bought the rights to make the toys of him bust - made WCR think that maybe it was time to send for a sub.
(For this vital news and other shit see our brother site www.englishranter.com).
Even though these are American baseball mascots, we reckon they'd do better than a fucking lion in what look like oversized golf shoes and a talking ball.
Our vote goes for the Clam in the middle - his head can be a walking talking old fashioned football.
Nominate who you think the World Cup Mascot should be and send us a link.
Thanks to the rather lovely scientist www.ldbug.blogspot.com for the tip of where to find these fearsome fellows.

...

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NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A MASCOT

...unlike the shitty one Goleo they chose for the World Cup this year. He's even sent the toy company bust that bought the rights to him. See English Ranter for the full story. Meanwhile, I like Clammy Sosa the best. He's the, er, clam, in the middle.
Thanks to the rather lovely www.ldbug.blogspot.com for the tip about where to find the best mascots!

BET OF THE TOURNAMENT, FRED?

No wonder he looks miserable. Arsenal's defeat to Barcelona in the European Cup Final may mean Thierry Henry leaves the gunners over the summer.
But those looking for the World Cup's top scorer could do worse than think about a bet on the Arsenal hero.
While Brazil's Ronaldo and Ronaldinho are both favoured above him in the betting, it's likely both Brazillians could share the goals if they get the success expected of them.
However, the French have possibly the easiest group of all to qualify from. Henry vs defenders from South Korea, Switzerland and, er, Togo could have a field day.
If he's on fire, a place as top scorer could be secured by the end of the group stages. And he's a top priced 16-1 with BetFred - who I don't believe are connected to the Brazillian international, but they are certainly generous with the price of the French genius, who is as low as 10-1 elsewhere.
Meanwhile if you are insane, or think that Ronaldo will keep eating pies and Ronaldinho will fall down the stairs of his mansion before the tournament, you could actually have a bet on the Brazillian striker Fred. Oddly, BetFred aren't offering a price, but Bluesq.com are offering 100-1.

FAVOURITES TAKE FRED TO THE WORLD CUP...

...but he probably won't get a game. What a squad of footballing riches Brazil have, compared to the rest of us. Word has it that even tubby Ronaldo has given up the pies in readiness for the greatest sports show on earth.
17 of them have only one name - that's a sure sign of them being good, (apparently).
Only one player from the English Premiership makes the Brazil line-up, Arsenal's Gilberto Silva.

Goalkeepers: Dida (AC Milan), Julio Cesar (Inter Milan), Rogerio Ceni (Sao Paulo)

Defenders: Cafu (AC Milan), Cicinho (Real Madrid), Lucio (Bayern Munich), Juan (Bayer Leverkusen), Roberto Carlos (Real Madrid), Gilberto (Hertha Berlin), Cris (Olympique Lyon), Luisao (Benfica)

Midfielders: Edmilson (Barcelona), Juninho Pernambucano (Olympique Lyon), Emerson (Juventus), Ze Roberto (Bayern Munich), Gilberto Silva (Arsenal), Kaka (AC Milan), Ricardinho (Corinthians)

Forwards: Ronaldo (Real Madrid), Robinho (Real Madrid), Ronaldinho (Barcelona), Adriano (Inter Milan), Fred (Olympique Lyon).

1966 and all that. Bollocks we still won it.

England cheated to win the 1966 World Cup.
Or at least, this goal that never was put them 3-2 up - and they went on to beat the Germans 4-2 with another goal on the break as they attacked to get a draw.
It's finally been proven by new high definition stuff.
Still, we still won it.
New technology can do everything but put a new name on the trophy... let's hope 40 years later the same can happen again.
Even with a dodgy decision.

MORIENTES OUT OF SPAIN WORLD CUP SQUAD (CESC FABREGAS IN)

Despite an incredible International record that competes with the best strikers in the world, Liverpool striker Fernando Morientes has missed out on a place in the Spanish squad.
The striker has scored 27 goals from 34 appearances for his country, but only 9 goals this season for Liverpool, and has struggled to make the starting line up for the FA Cup winners that finished third in the Premiership.
Premiership stars that do make the squad include FA Cup penalty shoot-out hero Jose Reina, Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso and striker Luis Garcia, Chelsea's Asier Del Horno, as well as Arsenal's Cesc Fabregas and Jose Antonio Reyes.
Five of the squad will be starters in the Champions League Final between Arsenal and Barcelona on Wednesday night.

Goalkeepers: Iker Casillas (Real Madrid), Jose Reina (Liverpool), Santiago Canizares (Valencia)
Defenders: Carles Puyol (Barcelona), Michel Salgado (Real Madrid), Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid), Carlos Marchena (Valencia), Asier Del Horno (Chelsea), Antonio Lopez (Atletico Madrid), Pablo Ibanez (Atletico Madrid), Juanito Gutierrez (Real Betis)
Midfielders: David Albelda (Valencia), Xabi Alonso (Liverpool), Joaquin Sanchez (Real Betis), Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal), Andres Iniesta (Barcelona), Xavi Hernandez (Barcelona), Marcos Senna (Villarreal)
Strikers: Jose Antonio Reyes (Arsenal), David Villa (Valencia), Fernando Torres (Atletico Madrid), Raul Gonzalez (Real Madrid), Luis Garcia (Liverpool).

I WONDER WHAT THAT'S WORTH IN SCRABBLE? (Croatia name World Cup squad)

Croatia squad:

Goalkeepers: Tomislav Butina (Club Bruges), Stipe Pletikosa (Hajduk Split), Joe Didulica (Austria Vienna)
Defenders: Robert Kovac (Juventus), Stjepan Tomas (Galatasaray), Dario Simic (AC Milan), Mario Tokic (Austria Vienna), Josip Simunic (Hertha Berlin), Igor Tudor (Siena), Marijan Buljat (Dinamo Zagreb)
Midfielders: Jerko Leko (Dynamo Kiev), Niko Kranjcar (Hajduk Split), Niko Kovac (Hertha Berlin), Marko Babic (Bayer Leverkusen), Darijo Srna (Shakhtar Donetsk), Ivan Leko (Club Bruges), Luka Modric (Dinamo Zagreb), Jurica Vranjes (Werder Bremen), Anthony Seric (Panathinaikos)
Forwards: Dado Prso (Rangers), Ivan Klasnic (Werder Bremen), Bosko Balaban (Club Bruges), Ivica Olic (CSKA Moscow), Ivan Bosnjak (Dinamo Zagreb).

Hurst grabs a bit Moore

The BBC is offering you the chance to get your PC in the World Cup mood with this historic screensaver.
They've got a wanky one with Beckham looking stupid, but I reckon this one is better.
Go to free bbc world cup screensaver
and get yours if you like that kind of thing, and don't feel too gay about where Geoff Hurst's arm is in the pic.